You heard it right ladies and gents, I’m leaving school and joining another one for two years, I’ve been accepted into St Roberts… which is a sixth form but it might as well still be a school accept that I’m doing A-Levels rather than GCSE’s. 

That’s all I have to say for now. <3  

i can no longer love.

Before I start ranting on to all of you about how my life has been quite dramatic and how I haven’t been on earlier because I COULDN’T BE ARSED, I have to let you know that I ripped my nail by pulling my skirt down and it started to bleed since I ripped it that far down. So, now I’ve been wearing a plaster all the time, obviously changing it regularly, just so I don’t catch it on something else and rip the whole thing. 

I found a lovely voice on tumblr a few minutes ago, so now I am stalking their youtube, singing along to songs I thought I only knew… great huh? 
Anyway, my drama and music exams are back to back next week, wish me luck? I have remembered all my lines for drama, which is good, and music… well I still don’t know whether I want to sing for abby, but I know for definite that I’m playing The Frey - How to save a life with Chelsea and Elliott, the twins, and Yiruma - River Flows in You on piano. I should do well, I hope. I wish I could sing something from City and Colour because Dallas Green has the best songs written to his name.

To all you bitches who have exams after the glorious holidays, snap. I shall be needing this to write down my complaints, but for now I’m just going to leave the whole school and performance stuff on the lines of “I need a Piano, a stand-up piano, yeah.”

But, for now I’m going to reminisce over a mixture of Harry Potter and a dear Vlogger Alex Day who decided to read Twilight and helped me see another side of the very undecided series. 

i love you.
I am now going to dot my “I’s” when I say, “i love you”
don’t know why, so don’t ask darling.

xox  

Sorry I like Harry Potter, thought I’d quote it because I couldn’t think of a good enough title.

You know when you don’t even know your own feelings, like I have a improper case of Bipolar, but only with the mood changing symptoms, nothing else. (I don’t really have Bipolar I’m just saying I have the mood changes like it.) Like, if I was head over heels one day then I’d start feeling different things and then I’d have a bad half an hour but then a brilliant fifteen minutes afterwards just because I do. 
I HAVE A PROM DATE GUYS. Yeah, in a non-sexual way because we both have relationships that we’d like to stick to. I bought my promdress/birthday party frock a few days but I’m not telling anyone what it is like because, well I want to enter my ‘birthday party’ with a bang. Did I mention my Prom was on my 16th? No? Well, now you know. I don’t know how exactly how to feel about this because I have a lot of my friends there in their prettiest and probably most expensive clothes but then again I have people there that I hate with a passion and I would rather shove a white-hot iron rod down my own neck than be in the same room with them. 
I’m having a hard time socializing, yeah I have a few close friends like unbelievably close friends (about 5) and we click straight away. But with others that I’ve known just as long, I find it impossible to keep up with their ‘craic’, their weird sayings and views on the world and sometimes I just wish I could have a translator with me 24/7 so I could understand the inside jokes and the ‘you had to be there’ moments. I miss my old friends, like badly but since I died for a month they don’t exactly like to socialize with me any more. Guess I’m diseased lol. 

I wish I could fall in love, at least once, even if it was only for a minute. Just so I can feel the rush that they are all ‘supposed’ to feel, I guess that’s impossible.

I love you fella’s.
and my milkshake brings all the girls to the yard cuz I’m a tranny. :|

xxxx 

just downed a litre of water and I’m bursting hang on.

Right, I’m pissed off at myself because I swore that I’d spend the whole of today learning some german crap for my exam on Monday but instead I; went to town for breakfast and bought some valentines present, went to Lidl because I can, got home and munched on a few breakfast bars, fell asleep for 3 hours then woke up at 6 o’clock and said ‘shit, mother I need to learn this german stuff,’ and walked off into my bedroom in a daze. 

In other news I’m watching True Blood and I’VE GOT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT Eric Northman followed me on twitter. Even though I’d much rather Alexander Skarsgard to follow me. It’s too late to be watching such filth, I may go to bed since like I’ve slept through half of the day I seem to be MISSING my bed. 

Never thought that was possible.
love youx 

I’ve had such a lazy weekend that included sitting/lying on the couch beside the fire watching come dine with me and eating my weight in rice. But the funny thing is is that I actually lost weight instead of gained it, I thought if I ate loads of rice I would gain weight, my body said a different story. Tomorrow I’m going to a workshop for an hour and a half with some of my close friends and old friends that I no longer talk to because they corrupt my health. I hope it’s going to go well because I hate, really hate, it when the workshops are done by students and are totally and utterly shit. I don’t care where I go as long as I am out the house for a few hours, being in the house for a good month is shit since the only places I saw were my school and my living room. Bitches. On Wednesday, I’m going out AGAIN thank God, and I’m going out with my lovely Emily Rutherford -ifyouonlyknewwheremymindis.tumblr.com- and I will have a lovely normal day (as normal as you can be with Miss Rutherford). I don’t care what else I do the rest of the week, coursework is piling up so it’ll probably be that, not interesting at all. 

 I’ve been complaining about this one problem all weekend and I thought I would share it on my personal blog without including any names. Nearly two years ago I met this really cool person and we talked for hours on end without any important subjects or anything and we went drinking a few times and such and suddenly we just stopped talking, no argument or anything we just had a lot of those awkward moments when you’re silent for a long time. This person, over the two years, has changed and more and more people are following them around and licking their arse basically and it’s weird how now when I really want to get back in touch with them I have to wait in line until they go though all the petty people saying ‘OMG YOUR HAIR IS AMAZING, YOU’RE SO COOL!’ etc. It really upsets me to know that I have to wait in line to talk to an old friend about utter bullshit while other people who don’t even know him get to tell him what he has already been told 1,000 times. 

DUDE, I miss you. 

LOVE YA

x 

yeaaah I got moderately drunk tonight and I was glad I was with my best friends but I invited another friend who I’d recently gotten close to and this friend was excited when I told them. 
PHONE CALL:
Friend: yeah er, rae I’m feeling really ill I’m just going to go to bed, sorry I just feel like shit.
Me: yeah okay darling, get well soon :) I’ll see you on monday.

so I let that pass until I started texting someone and he asked if anyone could go in the shop for them because they had ran out of alcohol, he rang my phone and asked me if he could talk to someone there and I passed it on, then I heard him mention the ‘friend’s’ name and I was like “whoa what the fuck is he doing there?!” so I grabbed the phone back off my friend and asked to talk to this FAKE FRIEND, when they wouldn’t let me talk to him I rang the FAKE FRIEND directly.
2ND PHONE CALL:
Fake Friend: oh hey rae— 
Me: Hey bullshitter, how you feeling?
Fake Friend: oh I’m still a bit ill, I wasn’t lying…
Me: OH I FEEL SO SYMPATHETIC FOR YOU, POOR BAIRNE IT MUST BE SO HARD TO COME AND SEE ME SO YOU DECIDED TO GO TO SOMEONE ELSE’S AND GET DRUNK,OKAY YOU FAKE FUCKER. 

That stupid twat is going to get evil glares on monday, I thought we were friends but they’d rather lie about being ill then spend time with me

pathetic fucker.

HOPE YA DIE.



LOVE YOU FOLLOWERS <3 

Ok, having metal in my mouth isn’t fun. Since blood tastes like a rusty metallic liquid I keep on thinking my mouth is bleeding and I’m going to die, but… OH NO it’s just my stupid ‘W’ shaped brace on the roof of my mouth and I have no idea in hell to what it is doing to my teeth. I got it put in yesterday and at first -when I first sat in that dentist chair- I thought that I was going to have an injection so I couldn’t feel a single thing for a good four hours, however as she started to explain that she was going to GLUE it to my teeth and by doing that she was going to have to push it onto my teeth, yeah that was the moment I started to panic. How am I supposed to act normal when a Dr. Whateverhernameis with brilliant white teeth, is about to push a metal ‘W’ shaped brace inbetween my godforsaken teeth? Luckily, you cannot see the brace when I smile or talk or laugh or even open my mouth and I came to that conclusion by sitting infront of the mirror in my mothers room for nearly two hours reading allowed and looking at my mouth with terror. 
And, I, er, need a new book as I keep reading the same things over and over again :|

LOVE YOU

x 

He spoke to me, I asked him if we were ‘okay’ in some ways and that we could forget everything that had ever happened LIKE EVER and he just said, 
“yeah, okay :)” <——- WHAT!? I opened my heart to this child and I cried my eyes out in front of him and he made me wish I was never alive when we argued… and what did I get? “Yeah, okay :)” fucking hell you arsehole I thought I meant more to you than that. Tosser.
You know what? I’m going to argue again, I’m going to ask you why the FUCK you bothered with me in the first place and WHY you are willing to let it all go with two flipping words, ‘yeah, okay,’ I was at least expecting you to go, 
“Rae, why don’t we meet up and talk it out, like EVERYTHING?” I would’ve happily done that because I would’ve asked WHY what happened actually happened. Fuck my life I don’t think I’ve ever been so annoyed at two unemotional words in my whole entire existent..

RANT OVER BEB. LOVE YOU. 

I’m looking through one of my ex’s facebook profile pictures and he is pulling the same FUCKING FACE (—> :/) every single fucking picture. He’s fat, his hair is pathetic and his skin is disgusting. Yes, finally I realised ‘what the fuck was I thinking?’ actually fits in my life now.

AND HE ALWAYS WEARS THAT FUCKING CAP. He keeps on saying he’s just being ‘hipster’ but he is wearing it like a fucking chav. One day I’m going to go over to his house, rip that motherfucking cap from his ugly and annoying weird rat featured ‘smile’ and burn it infront of him. He says that he isn’t main-streaming his music because all he listens to is stuff you can have a ‘mosh-pit’ to although that is what EVERY WEIRD FUCKER LISTENS TO THESE DAYS. He has no sense in style, no difference in music, he does whatever his friends do…
‘Oh I’ve had this expander for years,’
‘I’M GOING TO GET ONE TOO JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO.’
‘yeah okay whatever…’
‘I’m so cool!’



do me a favour, fuck off.